Armageddon Portrait
by RenegadeZabuzaMomochi
Summary: It's about time to explain how Midway got every single character together for a family picture. Join the rest of the gang as it also unravels some mysteries.


**Disclaimer: **The Mortal Kombat franchise belongs to Midway. I'm tired of reiterating myself. I don't know why I still do it anyway.

"FROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST!" Sub Zero shouted from across the hall in the Lin Kuei temple. Frost was taking her sweet time getting ready for the picture requesting all Kombatants to be participating in. He was getting impatient and for some strange reason, he was wearing a tuxedo, save for the mask he wears to nearly all tournaments.

"Frost, Elder Gods damn it, get your frozen, short butt down here. And I mean NOW!"

"Sifu, shut up, before I freeze your balls and you won't make anymore human popsicles!"

"Just put on something and get down here. We're supposed to be taking a family portrait."

"I'm not ready!"

"Don't let me come up here, young lady!"

"No!"

"NOW!"

"NEVER!"

Frost, in actuality, was already dressed up but she loved pissing off Sub Zero anyway. That's how their relationship was like ever since Frost froze Sub Zero that one time because Sub Zero embarrassed her in front of Rain.

"I hope nobody's at the studio. I swear to Fujin and Raiden, what did I do to deserve this?" Sub Zero clutches the air desperately.

Meanwhile, Kenshi was having a bit of a problem getting his clothes on. For starters, he had his shirt backwards and he was wearing Sonya Blade's cargo pants. How he obtained the pants was unknown. He proceeded to walk down the stairs, smiling because he memorized the number of steps in his house. Unfortunately, because of his handicap, he fell down rapidly like a wheel.

"Whee! Ow! Ba-womp! Hmph! Owwwaaa-omp! Aiyah!" Kenshi landed in front of Ermac.

"Coooooool," Ermac said.

Liu Kang passed by the two and he accidentally slipped on Kenshi's drool.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOO-SHAAAAAAAH!" Liu Kang shouted, breaking through the walls as he sped towards a tree. Kitana entered the living room to see what the yelling was about.

"Liu Kang? What happened- AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kitana slipped on Kenshi's drool and smashed Liu Kang. This explains the real reason why Liu Kang died.

"Fatality!" Shao Kahn appeared and raised the dizzy Kitana's hand in victory.

Back at Neatherrealm, Noob Saibot and Smoke waited patiently at the bus stop. Noob was reading a newspaper about a bunch of Tarkatans streaking in front of the mayor's office as a protest for animal rights with Baraka right on the center of the page. Smoke was sitting with a woman's posture and turned to Noob Saibot.

"Do you think I'm pretty?" Smoke asked. Noob turned very slowly to his cybernetic partner.

"Dumbass," Noob said, shaking his head irritably.

"That's the problem, you Noob! We don't communica-haaa-yaaay-aaate!" Smoke sobbed.

"You have a terrible way of treating your girlfriend, Noob," Quan Chi pointed out. Shang Tsung nodded in agreement.

"Oh yeah?" Noob Saibot rolled up the newspaper and smacked both of them in the head.

Now, of all the people to be early and who had less access to Earthrealm, Scorpion waited outside of the studio, dressed to impress and had his Nintendo DS in hand. He was previously playing Mortal Kombat: Unchained before he arrived. Right next to him was a very bored Nightwolf.

"OPEN UP!" Scorpion banged on the doors.

"They won't open up for us. We have to wait for Johnny Cage," Nightwolf stated blatantly.

"They won't open up because YOU'RE here. You just had to go on a panty raid and picked Sonya's drawers, of all the places."

"Hey, you have to admit she's pretty hot. You would have done the same, too, if your dick wasn't dead."

"Do I have to remind you I'm married?" Scorpion held up his wedding ring.

While the two were staring each other down, and if anybody was wondering where the rest of the other ninjas were, they were forced to attend parties and entertain the children. Mainly because of Cyrax. Cyrax was dressed up like a banana, Sektor was dressed up like a pepper, while Rain was forced to dress up like a raisin. Chameleon and Reptile were lucky enough to turn invisible and run away before they got dragged in that mess.

"Did I ever tell you how much I hated you?" Sektor punched the yellow cyborg's arm.

"I couldn't resist. That coke machine looked so... beautiful..."

"Why am I here? I'm not even a damn robot." Rain sobbed. Suddenly, Stifler's mom appeared.

"Who wants brownies?"

"I DO!" Cyrax, Sektor and Rain raised their hands up eagerly.

Queen Sindel and Jade had more luck than the rest of them. Primarily because they did special deeds. And before you perverts get any ideas, they were disguised as Inspector Gadget and Penny and had to capture Dr. Claw. The city thanked them for their deeds, and Jade kicked the governor's nutsack for staring at her ass.

"Now that we've captured Dr. Claw." Sindel ripped off her Inspector Gadget suit.

"We can go to the photoshoot." Jade nodded.

"Go, go, Gadget-Copter!" Queen Sindel used her hair extensions to levitate herself and Jade to the studio.

"Morning... snowflake." Jax stroked a blond person's hair as soon as he woke up.

"Uh oh..." Johnny Cage started.

"What the..." Jax and Johnny slowly got up and looked at each other.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jax and Johnny stopped, then screamed again. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, HELL NO!"

"Did you hear something?" Sonya asked.

"I hear... everything." Froddo Baggins waved his fingers like a Jedi.

Mileena was frustrated with the fact she couldn't properly check herself when she was getting ready for the picture. Everytime she grabbed a mirror, she broke one. She picked the two hundredth mirror and smiled. It broke.

"Again." Mileena tossed the mirror with the rest of the pile. Motaro entered the room.

"Hey, Mileena we gotta'..." Mileena turned around and looked at Motaro. He was turned to stone.

"Oh, come on! Who do I have to fuck to get a break around here?" Mileena scowled. Goro, Havik, Kintaro, Kano and even Baraka backed away. When all hope was forgotten, Kenshi entered the room as he didn't notice he went to the wrong dimension.

"Perfect!" Mileena jumped on the poor blind swordsman and proceeded to get her deeds done. Sad to say for Kenshi, all that could be heard from Outworld were screams from the man.

"Almost... there..." Hotaru and Darrius stared at the clock. Being in Orderrealm meant they couldn't travel just yet. They were given permission to leave at 8:30am sharp. It was 8:25. A few seconds later, it was 8:26.

"It has begun..." Hotaru and Darrius said simultaneously. They began sweating profusely in front of the wide open and temping portal with dramatic music playing in the background that's normally used for the Gatorade commercials.

"We can make it. I believe we can! Not even chaos can stop us!" Dairou shouted boldly. With that, everyone in Orderrealm started shouting and killing themselves. The trio took this opportunity to leave their realm for the photoshoot.

"I'll be back," said the Terminator. He had been given orders to hunt down the rebels. It was only 8:26 and 55 seconds.

In Mexico...

"I...! Am Zorro!" Mavado posed and flashed a bright smile that caused every girl in the vicinity to tear.

"Muchos gracias, Zorro! Help us, pour favor! My pamily ees in grabe danger!" Hsu Hao pleaded with a thick Mexican accent.

"I will go where I am needed!" Mavado used his grappling hooks to bound from column to column. "For I... am Zorro- OH MY GOD!" Mavado slammed into a statue that had a sword sticking out.

"He was a brabe man." Hsu Hao lowered his military cap down.

Kitana was passing by the Lin Kuei headquarters right when Sub Zero had enough of Frost's procrastination. They bumped into each other, knocking one another off their balance. Sub Zero lifted his right frozen hand in vigor with a shit ton of insults streaming from the back of his head, until he realized it was Kitana. Kitana was about to leap on him and bite his head off but she realized she didn't have her sister's mouth and that she hit Sub Zero by accident.

"You! What are you doing here?" Sub Zero asked.

"I could ask the same thing!" Kitana protested.

"... I live here..."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I see..."

"Uh huh."

"Well..."

"Okay, how did he die?" Sub Zero finally gave up and asked.

"Oh, the horror! My seductively curvy body and wonder breasts smashed Liu Kang to pieces! Even worse, my uniform is stained." Kitana sobbed on Sub Zero.

"There, there." Sub Zero patted her shoulders. "There's always a next time... in 10,000 years."

"What the fu..." Kitana raised an eyebrow at the Grandmaster.

"Hey, shit happens."

"Sifu's impotent!" Frost shouted from her room.

"Shut up, Silicone Valley!" Sub Zero retorted. He turned around and saw Kitana looking down on her own chest. Then she stared angrily at Sub Zero.

"Wait, that wasn't you!"

"Run."

"Yeah, good idea."

"Enough!" Raiden appeared before the two. Sub Zero and Kitana ran him over.

"You know, I think the author's doing this on purpose," said Fujin. He helped Raiden up.

"Too many Sub Zero and Kitana pairings! What's wrong wit'chu'?" Raiden dusted himself up. A bunch of Zabuza Momochi clones appeared before the gods as an answer.

If things had gotten any more worse, Stryker and Mokap were reading yaoi.

"What?" Stryker and Mokap looked at the rest of the people staring at them.

_Will the Kombatants ever make it in time for their family portrait? Let's find a hint._

Jax and Johnny were limping towards Jax's Special Forces trolly. They appear to be in severe pain.

"Oh, man, my back hurts," groaned Johnny.

_Definitely. Stay tuned._

**Author's note:** If you're wondering why Sub Zero and Kitana are always running into each other, I got inspired.


End file.
